


all our yesterdays

by ldquin



Category: Original Work
Genre: F/F, i get bored a lot, so here, somewhere were i can dispose of my shorts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-31
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-11 04:33:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,440
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28449234
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ldquin/pseuds/ldquin
Summary: a collection of short stories by me (because i cannot stick to one and only one).
Kudos: 2





	1. Chapter 1

i remember when you used to read to me. do you remember that? if i approached you while you were reading. i didn’t even have to ask you for anything, i just sat down next to you, put my head in your lap, and you would immediately start playing with my hair and reading me a chapter or two from the book in your hand. it was moments like that that made me feel like i had found my place in the world. that i knew exactly who i was. what i wanted. at that time, all i wanted was you. that still hasn’t changed. i wouldn’t be here if it did, would i? 

i also remember when you sung to me. i’d find you sat against your favorite (it was my favorite, too, because of you) weeping willow tree, i’d put my head in your lap again, and you’d still play with my hair. and then you’d start singing old songs, like “puff the magic dragon” and “blackbird” and “honey." i could go on, but i’d rather not. but you’d sing a lot of beatles songs, because you knew i liked the beatles. 

you’d always make me feel better when i was upset. that was one of my favorite things about you. you always knew how i felt and how exactly to deal with me. i loved you so much for that. you could sense when i was sad, and you’d make just the right jokes to get me laughing again, albeit with tears still in my eyes. you’d know when i was angry and calm me down with more songs and the occasional bar of chocolate or popsicle stick. you anticipated my every reaction, and understood what was going on in my head, and you dealt with it headfirst. that’s one of the things that kept reminding me that someone was always there for me, because you were. you were there when everyone else deserted me. when i was too prideful to admit i was wrong. you were patient with me, and i’ll be eternally grateful for that. 

looking back, i probably should have been there for you more often. feelings weren’t really my specialty, but it should have been instinct for me to go to you, comfort you, like you did to me. 

i can feel your hand holding mine—even if it’s not there. even if you’re not there. soothing me, like you used to. you always said, “i’ll be there for you on the ground or six feet under it.” who ever could have guessed that that would come true, right?

it hurts, even months after. but you wouldn’t want me to dwell on it. if i’d told you that i thought it was my fault, you’d immediately grow stubborn (you always were extremely headstrong and adamant). you’d frown and tell me firmly that it was an accident, no one was at fault. but i haven’t been able to even ride in a car since. 

i feel hot wetness coating my cheeks, and it doesn’t stop. i feel everything coming out. i feel my walls going up and falling down at the same time. down for you, up to the rest of the world. i struggle to take in even the shallowest of breaths. this is where we scattered your ashes. you were persistent, even years before, that you’d refuse to be in a coffin or a casket. “claustrophobia follows you to the grave,” you’d tell me. i’d agree and say that i wanted to be cremated, too. and i did. the bark of the tree i’m leaning on—your tree—is almost the exact same shade of brown as your eyes. the eyes that brought butterflies to the pit of my stomach. the melodic chirps of the birds could easily be compared to your laugh. rich, genuine, soft and sweet. i hear that laugh chiming in my mind for hours when i’m lying awake in bed. and when i start to forget exactly what it sounds like, i play a few videos of you from my camera roll and replay it. pretend you were there. 

i wish you were here. i brought your favorite book—a novel by david levithan. your favorite author. i’m reading it out loud to you, to the wind, not caring what my voice sounded like. i can imagine the feeling of your hands on my cheeks, wiping away my tears. you would sing that song you made just for me. i can feel the ghost of your lips touching mine, gentle as a blow of air with as much passion to light up a fire. 

i miss you, but because i love you, i won’t waste away missing you.


	2. the first enjoyable february fourteenth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> something i wrote for v-day! i know i'm like two days late, but i, being the lazy bum i am, forgot to finish it.

ah, valentine’s day. 

to be perfectly honest, i’ve never really seen anything very special about it. just a normal day that everyone uses as an excuse to go on dates. a useless holiday giving couples an excuse to shove their relationships in everyone else’s faces. anyone can go on dates on any day, but this is the one day when it is socially acceptable to broadcast it to everyone within a seventeen country radius. 

but, i will make an exception for today. because today, i was going out with everett forrest. 

he didn’t tell me anything about where he was taking me, but he told me to “dress casual, we’re not going to a royal dance or anything,” which totally narrowed down the choices for me. i opt to wear jeans and a navy blue polo. somewhere in between “casual” and “business casual”. maybe leaning a bit closer to “business casual”. 

everett was picking me up at six o’clock on the dot. at fifteen minutes to six, i had my wallet, phone, self-esteem, and conversation topics ready. my mother was bustling around the kitchen, preparing her annual, pink and red dinner party. and when i say “pink and red dinner party,” i mean it. everything, from the drinks to the main course to the desserts, are of varying shades of pink or red. i still don’t understand how she can get the red to show in her chocolate mousse. 

to get myself out of her hair while she set up (and partly to avoid not getting made to fold the pink napkins on the table), i retreated to the comfort of my room. 

at exactly six fifty-nine, i heard everett’s prius pull up on the curb. i jumped up from my bed, kissed my mother good-bye, and bounded out the door, though not to hard or fast, so as to not seem overexcited. i sat shotgun in the car, greeting everett with a smile. 

the car ride seemed to last ages, even though it only lasted the span of the first ‘high school musical’ soundtrack. as we were belting to ‘breaking free’, i noticed that we were driving out of town, to the thickets of trees surrounding the urban buildings and houses. 

like the gentleman he was, everett walked to my side of the car and opened the door for me, somehow whacking himself in the nose in the process. he brought out a picnic basket out of the back seat. 

“you once said you’ve always loved the stars,” he told me, “tonight, we’re going to dine with them.”

i’m pretty sure my heart did somersaults. 

he set down a blanket on the tilt of a hill, and gestured for me to sit. i kicked off my shoes and settled down. inside the basket were sandwiches, cake, candy, curry puff pastries, and a bunch of other things. over dinner, we talked about things like our middle names, the pros and cons of needing glasses (completely unprompted, as neither of us had ever worn glasses in our lives), and the best kind of toothpaste for coffee and tea stains (trick question. you don’t use toothpaste at all—not alone, at least. what you do is you get your toothpaste, and you dip it in baking soda. my mother taught me that when i was little.)

i’m pretty sure everett was the best company i’ve had since… well, since ever, i guess. it was refreshing being with him. i didn’t even need my list of conversation topics. we just flowed from subject to random subject seamlessly, i almost couldn’t tell when the t.v. shows talk ended and when the sci-fi books talk started. 

and then, like all cheesy romance novels and movies, when he dropped me off, he kissed me and told me we should do this again some other time. 

for once, i don’t mind being like all the rest.


End file.
